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too many sad words …

i recently applied for a job on my university’s newspaper.  yesterday was supposed to be the day of finding out whether or not we were hired.  yesterday was also the day of a coffeehouse-slash-art show that my church was sponsoring and at which i was performing.  we were supposed to get our call from the newspaper some time in the afternoon.

and i didn’t get called.

at first i just kind of shrugged it off.  six people had applied and they were only hiring five, so somebody had to get the boot.  might as well be me, right?  i mean, it wasn’t as if my world had come tumbling down, or anything.

yeah.  by the end of the night i wasn’t sure.  what with sleep deprivation, nerves, not eating dinner and other issues, i started feeling like i had a little raincloud hovering over me.  six people had applied, and they were hiring five.  and i hadn’t received a call.  they must not have hired me.  but why?  might just as well have been me, right?  i mean, think about the other people who had applied.  they were what one wanted for a paper, anyway.

so i became distant at the scrabble board, no matter how much i laughed.  i calmly told picasso i hadn’t gotten the job.  or, at least, not the call.  and he said surely there was a mistake and they couldn’t not have hired me.  six people had applied, and they were hiring five.  the odds were overwhelmingly in my favor, right?  right, i said.  but they didn’t call me.  i’ll live.

when i pulled into the driveway my phone rang.  my heart leaped, and i told it to behave.  it was my mom, as the voice of reason had told me it would be.  there’s hope yet, she said.  there was a call on the line when we got home, and it was a girl from the newspaper.  she said that, for some reason, they wouldn’t be able to decide until monday.

let’s just say that my night turned around right then.

so what did i learn?  i let my joy be snatched so easily.  i hand it over without comment, without protest.  why don’t i fight for my joy?  unfortunately, it’s much easier to revel in self-pity than to be a “big girl” and deal with it head on.

the frames have a song that says “too many sad words make a sad, sad song.”  they also have one that says “lay your burdens down and stop your cryin’.”

well, amen to that.

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