today i was afraid and faltering
by nature i am oblivious
now suspicious, too, in order to survive
i was full of dread and doubting
was i on a sure-fire course for falling again?
i couldn’t stand it again
not again
no, never again, now that i’d vowed not to fall
landing in reality after a tumble from the heights
always hurt
but how could i stop it?
in that moment my eternal soul longed to escape
mortal trappings of temporary, stubborn flesh
what was it to me?
just a body broken
but i could not make the choice to free myself
for self-imposed freedom is only exile
how, then, could i escape from this net
drawn tighter around me with every word
every breath?
i breathed
time stood still if i did not
and waited for my anger to abate
deep inside my secret self
my soul said logic was not ruled by emotion
that my heart was not mine
and if it were, would only lie
my mind, too, would only morph
reality into pleasing fantasy of daydreams
this fact i clutched, clinging to it for dear life
the failure of falling would not triumph
for it was not true
i had not fallen
i would not fall
no one could conquer my secret soul
for not even i truly knew it
