even the fallen rise

today i was afraid and faltering

by nature i am oblivious

now suspicious, too, in order to survive

i was full of dread and doubting

was i on a sure-fire course for falling again?

i couldn’t stand it again

not again

no, never again, now that i’d vowed not to fall

landing in reality after a tumble from the heights

always hurt

but how could i stop it?

in that moment my eternal soul longed to escape

mortal trappings of temporary, stubborn flesh

what was it to me?

just a body broken

but i could not make the choice to free myself

for self-imposed freedom is only exile

how, then, could i escape from this net

drawn tighter around me with every word

every breath?

i breathed

time stood still if i did not

and waited for my anger to abate

deep inside my secret self

my soul said logic was not ruled by emotion

that my heart was not mine

and if it were, would only lie

my mind, too, would only morph

reality into pleasing fantasy of daydreams

this fact i clutched, clinging to it for dear life

the failure of falling would not triumph

for it was not true

i had not fallen

i would not fall

no one could conquer my secret soul

for not even i truly knew it