merely me

i find it odd

the way friends are born

when first i saw you i didn’t

just bones and body

the thing the soul rides around in

now that i don’t see you i do

bone and body stripped away

soul laid fearfully, honestly bare

i saw myself in the darkened mirror

my flaws for a moment hushed and muted

exposure is something we dread

our secrets being paraded publicly

but dually long for

to be accepted in spite of our humanity

and misery and fallen majesty

for years i longed for someone to understand

the eternal soul within the failed body

and my tears wet my pillow in despair

everywhere i looked my heart played the trickster

you might be pretty today, perhaps —

you will never be beautiful

your gift is one thousands long for —

millions have it; you have no chance

somehow you must be perfect —

carry everyone’s pain upon your back

i say this because every failure to heal

rips my heart in two

i cannot preach, i cannot prophesy

all i have are words

and even those abandon me in my need

i am afraid and do not understand my shadows

do you hear me?

this is my soul, ragged and tattered

a sky scarred by lightning

i know i was made to be perfected

power shining through my weakness

but i wonder if who i am is who i am

was my choice wise, or is this falling again?

i need to lose myself in Him

before anyone can find me

this is my heart, scared and unsure

with all wit washed away

i am naive, jealous, proud, vain

i am a dull diamond full of flaws

i have been deceitful — i will be honest

i am wiser than i seem

more foolish than i look

here i stand, oh so human

waiting, my shell stripped off