“show me how to die”

You could plant me like a tree beside a river

You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild

and i would blossom like a flower in the desert

but for now, just let me cry

—

You could raise me like a banner in the battle

and put victory (like a fire) behind my shining eyes

i would drift like falling snow over the embers

but for now, just let me lie

—

bind up these broken bones

Mercy, bend and breathe me back to life

but not before You show me how to die

—

set me like a star before the morning

like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep

and i’ll illuminate the path You’ve laid before me

but for now, just let me be

—

let me go like a leaf upon the water

let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea

and i will disappear into a deeper beauty

but for now, just stay with me …

God, for now, just stay with me

— audrey assad, the house You’re building, “show me”

a couple of weeks ago i was feeling … mm, shall we say fatalistic? about this whole upcoming surgery thing. and that’s when i discovered audrey assad and this song. you should look it up; it’s beautiful. i wish i could sing and write music the way she does.

but you know what? God is good. and i mean that. whatever He chooses to do, it’s far better than i deserve, and infinitely for my good. to remind me that “my life is hid with Christ on high, with Christ my Savior and my God,” to quote another favorite song.

also, dying is something that has to be a part of living every day. our old, sinful, rotten selves were crucified with Christ, but every day we have to choose freshly to follow Him, to die to our rebellious natures. i like that this song in that way has a double, or deepened, meaning.