here, now

today being tuesday, this is the beginning of my second week home from all my hospital adventures. life right now is kind of a strange feeling.  i guess maybe it’s a compilation of being home all the time, not being able to drive, and generally recovering from having things removed from my brain. i feel kind of like life is supposed  to be different now and i’ve forgotten the reason why. being a little bit confused might be related to surgery somehow, maybe. a little more confused than normal, that is. a certain amount of incoherence and confusion is intrinsic to my normal communication. sometimes i’ll type a word and stare at it for a while, wondering if i spelled it right. when i was in the hospital and had to sign forms writing my name didn’t happen automatically the way it used to. i don’t know if this is because i’ve lost (temporarily, anyway) some of my peripheral vision. that makes it hard to play the piano, and, i’m assuming, the guitar. i happily harmonized along with a favorite song yesterday, glad to find out the part of my brain that controls singing doesn’t work any worse than normal.

do i sound like i’m complaining? i don’t mean to. things could have been so much different, so much ‘worse,’ if you want to use that word. personally i’m amazed at God’s provision and protection through so many aspects of this adventure. i don’t want to forget to give Him the credit He deserves. but still, life isn’t quite like it used to be , whether for good or ill or both, and i have to be patient as i figure out what normal will look like .

actually, i’m having to learn to be patient in almost everything. i didn’t realize until i was in the hospital what an impatient person i can be.

lesson #1: they who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.

i was reading sappho earlier this afternoon and became rather fond of fragment 41:

for you beautiful ones my thought is not changeable.

it reminds me of psalm 16:3 a little bit:

as for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.

this is the english standard version translation. the american standard version uses “majestic” rather than “excellent.” but either, certainly, is good description of how we’re supposed to see the family we have in the body of Christ. i was just thinking that some of the people who are dearest to me aren’t exactly majestic in appearance, nor maybe even beautiful, by most standards, but through Christ’s transforming love they are becoming truly excellent people.

this is kind of a ramble, i know.27 staples aren’t helping my attention much at the moment.