not that girl

blithe smile, lithe limb
she who’s winsome …

i know we’re not supposed to compare ourselves to others, but sometimes i do anyway.

i compare myself to the talented, witty, charming, smart, fun, put-together, well-dressed, well-read women i know who always seem to have the perfect compliment to bestow, comment to add or comeback with which to riposte.

pardon me while i stand over here mumbling inanities like a carthusian nun released from her quiet.

sometimes i get really sad about it. mopey is a good word.

i think, semi-unconsciously, “oh, if only —”

and then i don’t finish it because i don’t want to know how i’m lacking. or sometimes i do, and delineate all my non-wonderfuls. i am really good at that.

then the other day i realized …

that girl is not who you are.

that girl is not who you are going to be. ever.

that girl is not who you have to be.

that girl is not who you are supposed to be. ever.

you are not that girl.

you are this girl, as flawed and awkward as she may be.

you are the only one who is ever going to be her, too, so do the best job of it you can.

make the most of what you’ve been given … but not so you can be somebody else.

that wasn’t ever what you were made for.

God did not make you to be a copy-cat version of another girl, lovely and amazing as He might have made her.

no. He made you to be you. to be this girl.

so be her. have her adventures and dream her dreams.

be you.

just you.


5 thoughts on “not that girl

  1. rainydayjoy says:

    I had a near (ok, actual) meltdown the other day comparing myself to “THAT PERFECT WOMAN” and beating myself up verbally. Matt asked me who I thought I should be and I listed “HER” glorious attributes for fully 15 minutes. And then I had to laugh at myself. “SHE” doesn’t exist anywhere except my head… or if she does, she’s probably perpetually exhausted. Why do we do this to ourselves? Thanks for writing this. Spot on as always.

    • the perfect woman is probably some combination of martha stewart, mother teresa, elle woods (blonde sorority girl fashion plate AND lawyer), myrna loy and wonder woman. gee whiz.

      i think you’re right, carolyn, that “she” only exists in our minds. usually as a lie or illusion satan tricks us into believing. even the most “together” woman has to have some moments of untogetherness or else she wouldn’t be human. funny (strange? sad!) how it’s so easy to forget that, though.

  2. Hey, I think you’re pretty “talented, witty, charming, smart, fun, put-together, well-dressed, and well-read”! And personally, I think your quiet, methodical way of speaking is very charming. I wouldn’t want you to be any different. =)

  3. Pingback: assigned and called | innocence abroad

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