not that girl

blithe smile, lithe limb
she who’s winsome …

i know we’re not supposed to compare ourselves to others, but sometimes i do anyway.

i compare myself to the talented, witty, charming, smart, fun, put-together, well-dressed, well-read women i know who always seem to have the perfect compliment to bestow, comment to add or comeback with which to riposte.

pardon me while i stand over here mumbling inanities like a carthusian nun released from her quiet.

sometimes i get really sad about it. mopey is a good word.

i think, semi-unconsciously, “oh, if only —”

and then i don’t finish it because i don’t want to know how i’m lacking. or sometimes i do, and delineate all my non-wonderfuls. i am really good at that.

then the other day i realized …

that girl is not who you are.

that girl is not who you are going to be. ever.

that girl is not who you have to be.

that girl is not who you are supposed to be. ever.

you are not that girl.

you are this girl, as flawed and awkward as she may be.

you are the only one who is ever going to be her, too, so do the best job of it you can.

make the most of what you’ve been given … but not so you can be somebody else.

that wasn’t ever what you were made for.

God did not make you to be a copy-cat version of another girl, lovely and amazing as He might have made her.

no. He made you to be you. to be this girl.

so be her. have her adventures and dream her dreams.

be you.

just you.