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the Christmas unicorn


sufjan stevens writes the trippiest Christmas music ever. his new album, silver and gold, contains several such examples, including a highly funky (in a good way) rendition of good king wenceslas.

Christmas unicorn might take the weird factor cake. however, as with many — or most — of his original songs, i think the unconventional way of saying things is more to provoke thought than to be weird for the sake of weirdness.

thought about what, i’m not precisely sure.

maybe i’m just trying too hard to make sense of a seemingly nonsensical piece of Christmas music.

I’m a Christmas Unicorn! In a uniform made of gold
With a billy-goat beard, and a sorcerer’s shield, and mistletoe on my nose!

Oh I’m a Christian holiday; I’m a symbol of original sin
I’ve a pagan tree and a magical wreath and bow-tie on my chin!

Oh I’m a pagan heresy; I’m a tragical Catholic shrine
I’m a little bit shy, with a lazy eye, and a penchant for sublime

Oh I’m a mystical apostasy; I’m a horse with a fantasy twist
Though I play all night with my magical kite, people say I don’t exist

For I make no full apology; for the category I reside
I’m a mythical mess with a treasury chest; I’m a construct of your mind

Oh I’m hysterically American! I’ve a credit card on my wrist
And I have no home or a field to roam; I will curse you with my kiss

Oh I’m a criminal pathology with a history of medical care
I’m a frantic shopper and a brave pill-popper and they say my kind are rare
But I’ve seen others in the uniform of a unicorn just like me
We are legions wide and we choose no sides; we are masters of mystique

For you’re a Christmas Unicorn! I have seen you on the beat
You may dress in the human uniform, child . . . but I know you’re just like me

I’m the Christmas Unicorn! You’re the Christmas Unicorn too!
(I’m the Christmas Unicorn; it’s all right, I love you!)

Love: love will tear us apart . . . again
Love: love will tear us apart . . . my friend
(I’m the Christmas Unicorn! You’re the Christmas Unicorn!)

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One thought on “the Christmas unicorn

  1. The Unicorn song made me laugh a lot. As did “Baby Jesus is the king-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling.” I think the Unicorn song is probably to draw our attention to the different sources of Christmas holiday traditions, and to the fact that it’s a holiday largely influenced by consumerism these days. Maybe just trying to make us aware of how ridiculous we look running around shopping for the perfect present on sale etc. Almost as ridiculous as a Christmas Unicorn.

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