quarter-life crisis

i want the world to stop, as belle & sebastian say.

i want it to stop lying to me.

i want it to stop telling me things matter that don’t matter.

i want appearances to stop counting for anything.

i want to tell someone everything i keep inside that i don’t know how to say.

i want my selfishness and all the things that are ugly in me to stop.

i want to know the hows and whys.

and the whens.

i want this joy thing to be uproarious and not so much labor.