i have a confession to make. i have glamour envy.
(“what’s glamour envy?”)
i talked a little bit about it here. you might have noticed that post is from two and a half years ago. i’m slow at learning this lesson.
what i mean by “glamour envy” is that, some days, i look at my life — what i’m doing right then or what i’m doing in general — then look at, or mentally compare it to, someone else’s life, and think, “man, what am i doing?” or “why is her life so glamorous and gorgeous and mine is so … mundane?” or “why does she get to have all the amazing adventures?”
even a little bit of envy is an ugly thing. the new testament letter writers don’t mince words about envy:
“they were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. they are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness …” — romans 1:29
“for we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another.” — titus 3:3
“so put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander.” — 1 peter 2:1
buuuuuuuuuuuuut — i start to think.
no. there’s no “little bit of harmless envy.” it all must go. (notice how envy and malice are coupled or near each other in all three of those examples.)
but … okay. that can sound kind of negative, which isn’t necessarily an impetus to change our (my) behavior and treat the root of this problem. merely telling yourself not to be dissatisfied with your life will not solve the problem of your dissatisfaction (hear that, self?).
i’m reading through the new testament again and one verse that i am always comforted by, every time i re-read it, is 1 corinthians 7:17:
“only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. this is my rule in all the churches.”
the greater context here is that of being a bondservant or slave versus a free person, being married versus being single, or being circumcised or uncircumcised. paul is saying, to my understanding, “don’t fret about your circumstances, and don’t compare them or yourselves to others. God called you, and He called you in this particular state of being or point in life, so don’t think you can’t serve God or be fully alive because your circumstances or person don’t match your (or someone else’s) ideal.” i like the way eugene peterson paraphrases it in the message:
“and don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. where you are right now is God’s place for you. live and obey and love and believe right there. …”
the fact that God assigned me a particular life and called me to it for His own glorious reasons is no end of encouraging, if i take the time to humbly remember the fact. it reminds me of what Jesus says to peter after He’s called him to take care of His church.
and after saying this He said to him, “follow Me.”
peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who also had leaned back against Him during the supper and had said, “Lord, who is it that is going to betray You?” when peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “if it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? you follow Me!” — john 21:19b-22
so, what about that man and his heroic life? what about that woman and the way that seemingly everything she does oozes glamour? be who you are, where you are, with all you have. (and, as jim elliot said, “wherever you are, be all there.” that’s important to remember, too.)
of course there’s nothing inherently wrong with glamour, and there’s nothing wrong with being heroic. the problem comes when we idolize the qualities themselves or the people we think exhibit them.
they are people, just like you and me — yes, despite all appearances to the contrary. sometimes they have halitosis or stinky feet or pimples; sometimes they don’t go anywhere interesting (or anywhere at all) on friday nights; sometimes they eat too many cookies; sometimes they get scared or lonely or frustrated or bored or blue or headachey or just plain hoppin’ mad.
also, along with the unique lives God gives each of us, He gives us unique perspectives and unique ways of delighting in Him and His creation. i’ve lived in the kansas city suburbs all my life, for instance, but because of who my family is and where they live (or have lived), i’m steeped in prairie sunsets and can find beauty in the muted golds and silvers and bronzes of the cold-kissed grasses and dying wildflowers in my grandparents’ “back 40.”
and at the same time, maybe our (my) perspective on what is and what isn’t “glamorous” is warped.
is glamour all red lipstick and pearls (both of which i’m wearing in the photo that tops this post, as i try to look both heroic and glamorous in the dying november light)? or is it glamorous to crawl around the foyer on your hands and knees picking up stray twigs and pine needles because, oh my goodness, you have an entire tree in your house?! is it glamorous to play duck, duck, snow tiger with a gaggle of little girls and be adopted as the new best friend of the little girl sitting on your lap, who is wearing a pink sparkly kitty hat? is it glamorous to tell your nephew bedtime stories about submarines and aircraft carriers that make you realize how little you know of the navy and hope to goodness you haven’t told him anything that isn’t true? is it glamorous to find yourself wedged behind a door wearing an easter bonnet made for a two-year-old and trying to balance a “tea tray” in one hand at your “airplane seat” while your niece cheerfully empties the contents of her bookshelf into your other arm so you’ll have plenty to read during your “flight”?
yes, i think maybe it is.
this is my reminder to rejoice in the life i’ve been given and expand my definition of concepts like glamour, adventure and beauty.
and it’s a reminder for you, too, friend, wherever God has you.