if i could have the year back again

if i could have the year back again
to undo what i should have
never done —
to do what i forgot, or failed
to run where i did not want
to run —
if i could have the year back again
and receive back what it took from me
but lose the beauty that came to be —
would it be worth it, even then?
no, i would not have the year back again —
nor would i lose what carried me