he doesn’t belong to me

and i know that

i don’t belong to him

i know that too

but for four years

— five years? —

i’ve tricked myself into blushing when he walks by

and have weaved him into the dreams of waking and sleeping

which is absurd

to give him the benefit of the doubt

i don’t think he realizes what he’s doing

charm is deceitful and beauty vain

and i frequently find myself lying

to myself

to cement the cobwebby dreams i’ve spun

that’s no basis for anything

and i know it