confusion

i swear i’m gonna start banging my head on the keyboard soon

                                                                           the storm has entered my soul — lightning strikes my brain

   thunder rumbles through my heart

                                                                                      this isn’t funny

                                                i feel like i’m ripping apart

            i didn’t want this to happen again

                                                                          has it?  is it?  will it?

   how do i know?

                                         how do i stop it?

                                                                             why can’t i just for once act normal

     stay oblivious

                        be like my heroines who do everything right

                                                                                           even if they really don’t

i keep thinking i’ve done something wrong

                   or unwise

                                         does thinking it make it true?

    probably not.

                                                                                               but still —

                                                                                   why?

           it doesn’t make sense to me.

                                                                                                   no sense at all.

maybe it’s not my problem                                   but someone else’s.

            but then is it my fault             if i made the problem happen                  helped it unknowingly?

     ugh.

                                        why do i have no one

                                        to teach me these things?

                                                                                            most girls do whether they like it or not.

have b(r)others, i mean.

                                                 yet that isn’t an excuse — there’s a reason for everything — i can’t see it yet

                 please?

                                       i know life is never easy

                                                               did You mean me to learn something here?

  am i getting it?

                                                                                                                                            or am i missing it?

                                                                        i’m confused.

                                                                  i don’t like confusion.

i had a thought then forgot it

                                                                                                        so …

         well …

                                                                                   what do i do now?