we have some platonic forms for you to fill out
list your daydreams in chronological, alphabetical order
and then state the unconscious wishes of your heart
the physical manifestation of your ethereal mind will be
submitted to a rigorous examination before you are allowed
to proceed with any of your shadowy, gossamer plans
it is our duty to protect our patients from each other and themselves
to further this end, we offer private instruction in overcoming
guilt caused by thinking too much and having a heart in general
our licensed specialists are three trained monkeys who see, hear
and speak no evil and teach you how to do or not do the same
if you suffer from paranoia rest assured that you can distrust us
no more than we already distrust you, considering that you have
applied to us for help in the first place — we do, however, offer
medication options for the chronically ill, these including an
overabundance of music to induce appetite suppression, heavy
draughts of the waters of forgetfulness, or the endurance of
hearing dogs bark at crows, should music not suit your humour
all information received will be kept in the strictest confidence
it is up to you to commit yourself to this course of action,
but we heartily recommend it since we like having sustenance
if you do not understand anything in the above statement
please ask for clarification, but we cannot be held liable for
your own obtuse or perverse character or chameleon moods
we will treat you with as much skill and care as we posses,
but do not feel the necessity of informing our patients when
we no longer care — soon you will be able not to care, too
may God have mercy on your soul, for we give your heart none
to signify that you have read and understood our statement of
terms, conditions, liabilities, services offered and pure whimsy,
sign here, please
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