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tunage: cities by anberlin

tonight as i was driving back from the gym there was a light mizzling rain that made the roads dark and shiny.  the streetlights reflected off the pavement red, green and pale gold.  the air was slightly nippy, but it felt refreshing after my vigorous run.  the trees are starting to turn colour and they look as if they’re on fire.  it’s beautiful.  and it reminded me of how much i love autumn.

the office where i work is freezing right now because they’re doing some painting on the floor below and the management kindly cranked up the air conditioning so we’d all freeze to death rather than dying of paint fumes.  very considerate of them, i’m sure.  no, seriously, it’s not that bad.  although i do think i’ll need to invest in some more tights and a pair of fingerless gloves.

i feel very content right now.  lately i’ve been battling bogeys like jealousy, discontent, wounded pride, etc. and so forth, but they’ve let me alone for a while.  i read or heard somewhere that people who don’t do much physical labour get fatigues and weird neuroses and things like that because, while their minds are exhausted and just want to sleep, their bodies are restless because they’ve been sitting all day.

my limbs have felt all queer and achey recently, so i decided it was time for some exercise.  my chief method of exercising, while sometimes supplemented with weight lifting and/or resistance machines, is mostly to run until i can’t breathe.  i’ve found this to be very effective in both awakening and exhausting the body.  so i returned home, properly exhausted.

by the way, if you haven’t been able to tell by now, i have no idea where i’m going with this post.  my brain exhaustion has caught up with me.

i feel, in a way, as though i’m being pushed inch by inch closer to the edge of a cliff off which i’ve been

footbridge, moline, kansas

footbridge, moline, kansas

instructed to jump.  i know i’ll land and be all right, but i don’t know in what i’ll land or what sort of all right i’ll be when i get there.  either i can get over my fear of falling and embrace whatever it is God has willed for me in my future, or i can be afraid and stubborn and wimp out.

i really don’t like falling.

but i like opposing God even less.  one of the first things i know i need to do regarding falling is fall madly, passionately in love with Him.  i love Him, but my love tends to fluctuate with the seasons right now.  it needs to be steady and un-adversely affected by trials or blessing.

on the note of not opposing God, though, i learned something about myself today.  i realized that if i can’t see something, or just prevent myself from seeing it, it’s like it’s not even there.  i knew i was good at ignoring people if i really made up my mind to want to, but this worked better than i would have expected.

expect reports from day two of operation learn to ignore tomorrow.

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