i remember
sewing you up
into that wall
brick by careless brick
thinking a walling away
would be equivalent to
ripping out
all my lazy stitching
and starting again
needle-pricked
but clean
i was
hideously
wrong
i would like
to forget
all of that
the aftermath
the shock waves
and the frustration
in between
it took me so long
to understand
what i did
— what i really did —
and it was only
through anger
at watching
the pain
of someone else’s
heartbreak
that i really
understood.
now every time
i don’t understand
confusion
or am embarrassed
at the deepness
of the holes i’ve dug
and want nothing
but to erase
everything
and run …
i remember you.
my grandfather
was a bricklayer
but i can’t
build myself
away again.
