breach

i remember

sewing you up

into that wall

brick by careless brick

thinking a walling away

would be equivalent to

ripping out

all my lazy stitching

and starting again

needle-pricked

but clean

i was

hideously

wrong

i would like

to forget

all of that

the aftermath

the shock waves

and the frustration

in between

it took me so long

to understand

what i did

— what i really did —

and it was only

through anger

at watching

the pain

of someone else’s

heartbreak

that i really

understood.

now every time

i don’t understand

confusion

or am embarrassed

at the deepness

of the holes i’ve dug

and want nothing

but to erase

everything

and run …

i remember you.

my grandfather

was a bricklayer

but i can’t

build myself

away again.